Full disclosure…I am a very, very, very jealous person of other people’s success!! Whew, that feels better to get off my chest;)! I’m using this blog post to reveal something very personal about myself. As fortunate as I am to be showered with praise for my successes and for who I am by my many supporters, I always feel like a fraud – you people really don’t know me!!
Before now, I always kept this envious side of me bottled up. I should also say that 99.9% of my jealousy is in regards to other peoples’ MUSICAL success (I’m genuinely happy for you when you get engaged or have a baby:)). In our social media age where people share their successes constantly, I do give a thumbs up or “kudos” comments to support my musical friends. But deep down I always think, “why can’t that be me?”.
Music is a highly competitive industry. Let’s be blunt, there’s too much music being created and performed for the number of people interested in listening to it. So that means, when someone has a successful concert performance, or has their song played on the radio, or their cue played on a TV show or movie, that was a lost opportunity for me.
I wish I wasn’t like this, but I can’t help it. I’ve been like this since I was quite young. Do you know I never watch awards shows on TV? It drives me insane to see other people up there so happy and exulted, so I just don’t watch.
Does jealousy hamper me at all? Most of the time, no. 90% of the time, I use it as a motivation to work harder and thankfully I’m pretty happy with my work ethic. But the other 10% of the time it does drain me and I wish it was not as intense as it usually is.
I hope my musical friends will not think any less of me. Nobody is perfect…we all have our flaws. And I’m always working at being a better person. And because I’m working at it, the next time I thumb up your big announcement, their will be genuineness in it…but just a bit!