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I continue to surprise myself emotionally.
I always feel I would be most happy to be a loner. Every time I’m in the position of interacting with my fellow human in the various hats I wear in my life, I always dread the lead up to it. I just want to be home and by myself. Then miraculously once I’m there, my insides somehow get energy from the people I interact with.
The closest thing that relates to this roller-coaster is one’s relationship to food. A person might not want to eat food. But some mysterious force or instinct says “you’ve got to eat to gain energy, so eat”. Then when you listen to that voice, you have that energy you need. In my case, just substitute the word “people” with “food” and it’s pretty well the same situation for me.
So whether I like it or not, I am a people person. If this is the case, why do I always forget the good vibes in the next lead-up to interacting with people? Why do I let myself go in a lull? Why can’t I remember how good I feel after the interaction with people? I need some app to help me relive the feeling.
Full disclosure, the next time I meet you in person, there’s a good chance I wasn’t in the mood to have our encounter at first (please don’t take it personally), but I can pretty well guarantee that by the end of our encounter, I will be filled with extreme joy because it happened. (BTW, that’s the perspective I’m writing from at present.)
Thank you, World, for bringing my heart and soul extreme energy. Even though I often feel I don’t need or want you, I really can’t live without you.
The World’s Worst Hermit