The Toronto condo in which I live is overseen by a very thorough and competent property manager and staff. Our condo board has bylaws in place and the property manager is like a focussed, stone-faced sheriff from a Western enforcing the law. At times, if any resident strays off course in respecting the rules, they (and in turn all of us) will hear about it.

How? Through the electronic billboards in the elevators and through mass email messages. Polite but very direct messages reminding residents about how to properly use a garbage chute (no, you can’t put a chair down the chute) or how to properly dispose of cigarettes (no, don’t throw them on to your neighbours balcony so it catches fire on their upholstered lawn furniture). But lately the absurdity of the lack of common sense and in turn, the wording notifying us of our communal stupidity is getting more and more crazy! And what is the central theme? Urine!

It first started with dogs peeing in common areas. “Please have your dog pee in the park…not the elevator!” In this scenario, I’m a bit sympathetic…it can be a long elevator ride down to the ground floor. If the poor pup hasn’t gone for a while, sometimes they just can’t hold it.

But the concern over peeing has now moved from our furry friends to our own species…

Dear Owner(s)/Resident(s),

Please be advised that we recently had incidents involving guests of residents.

We had two separate incidents in the last week involving guests of residents. We had guests urinate on the pillars in front of the entrance. 

Please inform your guests to respect the building and update them on the Rules and Regulations of the building as it is your responsibility to do so.

Please be advised that you will be back charged for any cleaning or damages caused by your guests.

If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us.

As per these instructions, if you ever visit me at my building, I would ask that you not pee on the outside of my building. Wait until you arrive in my unit, ask if you can use the restroom. I will then point you in the direction of where it is located in my unit. You will then be able to close the door, open the light, open the toilet seat lid and proceed to dispense of your urine within the toilet bowl. You will then be able to flush, wash your hands, shut the light, open the door, and return to our visit within a mutually-agreed sitting area. I would kindly ask that you think ahead to the conclusion of your visit and repeat the above process in case the urge to urinate might arise on your way out of the building as to avoid having to urinate on the outside of my building upon your exit.

I really appreciate you respecting these rules. THANK YOU so much! 😉