The Bad & Good of Being This Way

Full disclosure, I yearn a lot. Not for the regular stuff – better health, finding love, being fulfilled, more money (well maybe a bit of that last one:)).

Instead, I yearn for making music and having people hear it. It’s all I ever think about. I’m always envisioning the future where I’ll compose more, record more, get more commissions, more collaborations and more audience. To say that I think about this 100% of the time is a bit of a stretch, but it’s really not that far off. When I eat, sleep, relax, work of course, anytime really.

I wish I was not like this and had a bit more emotional balance. It’s sometimes tough for Lisa who has to deal with these outbursts of inspiration and anxiety. She’s patient and knows how to help me return to an even keel. In the past, bursts of yearning could lead me to feelings of depression as a rebound afterwards. But I’m happy to say that this is very rare these days.

I guess I have figured out how to balance the emotions of yearning and take that energy and turn it into a positive force. I’ve learned to use yearning as a motivational energy to stick with a plan that we’ve mapped out in moving forward with the music and keep me working hard (but not overworked).

Otherwise, it is still strange to always have this constant underlying “thing” gnawing at your gut – wishing, hoping, yearning. But it is who I am and I don’t fight it…too often.