You know what’s cool about crabby old people? They do what they want, think what they think and don’t give a flying f#$% what anyone thinks about them!! Musicians and artists have a lot to learn from them in this respect. Because other than focussing on the craft of coming up with and outputting sound, our single biggest worry is will anyone listen? I definitely fit this persona…up until the last few of months.
For years, I have been obsessed with getting noticed. But for some reason lately, I’ve shifted gears and am now much more in tune with the process than the result – basically enjoying the journey rather than the destination. You might think that my mentality in this respect has changed out of spite because I have not sold a million albums (yet:)) or won a bunch awards (yet:)). But this is not the case at all. For some reason, all of a sudden, I have come to peace with the idea of just enjoying the process of sitting down to my little desk most days and coming up with music that stimulates my ears and awe of wonderment.
I’ve always been a habit and routine-oriented person, sometimes to the point of obsession. But when it came to music, I would use that discipline to get to that end goal in a manic state. Now don’t get me wrong, I still have a things-to-do list for my writing projects (too much to juggle deadline-wise between Film/TV cues and more “artsy” projects). But for me as long I enjoy the time of creating and the process, that’s good enough for me. Punch in my time clock in the morning and punch out at day’s end with a smile on my face with the contentment from a hard day of work complete on my creative assembly line.
The other big epiphany I’ve come up with lately is not worrying what people will think of the end product as I’m writing, and more importantly, is it good enough? As I have never been able to define “good” in the context of composed music, why should I even concern myself with this question? I know what’s good for me and what I aspire to compositionally to be better, but the wider public???…nah ah.
Don’t get me wrong…if one day I’m lucky enough to “hit it big”, I’ll gladly accept the $$ and fame and try to use it to help my family, friends and the world as a whole. But if it never happens, all the effort will not be for nothing.
Earlier this week, I was fortunate to spend time talking with the composer, Gerald Busby. Gerald is soon to celebrate his 80th Birthday. He is the polar opposite of a “crabby” old person. But his years of wisdom and our conversation reminded me that the only duty I have is to be the most creative person I can be each and every day and enjoy the journey.
As I’m now in my 40s, I’m starting to think a lot about the day I die (which is still hopefully years away:)). On that day, there’s a good chance I will look back and say, hey, only a handful of people on this earth ever heard my music and I only ever made a few cents from it financially but I got to do it most days of my life, and that is why I was most blessed…to be able to go on that journey.